The Ten Commandments Part 9
Commandment 4 (Protestant 5th) Honor your father and your
mother
This commandment
serves as a kind of bridge between the two tablets. Next to honoring God we are to honor those he
has placed over us, especially our parents.
This is the only command that contains a promise. As we have a vertical relationship with God,
so also do have one with our parents.
But as we age there becomes more of a horizontal relationship as
well. This commandment is the only one
which contains a promise. Those who
honor their parents will have a longer life.
There
is a Grimm fairy tale about an elderly man who was living with his son and
daughter-in-law in his old age. Because
of his feebleness he was constantly spilling food on the floor, occasionally
dropping and breaking dishes. His son
and daughter-in-law finally make him a wooden trough to eat out of and had him
eat in the corner of the room. One day
they noticed their 4 year old son playing with a piece of wood. When asked what he was doing, he replied that
he was making a trough to feed his parents when they were old. Mortified, they bring their aged father back
to the table. The story speaks to how
easy it can be to dishonor our parents.
This
commandment is a positive commandment.
It promotes a close knit family structure or honor and respect. It brings harmony, not chaos and disruption. It speaks to the family – a father and mother
and children in unity. The family is a
small church, a communion of persons.
The home is to be a school where children learn who God is and how to
live rightly.
There
are two themes related to this command which aren’t often thought about –
authority and obedience. The Latin word
for authority implies cause, sponsor and enrichment. A parent’s authority is for their children’s
benefit, to serve them so they reach fulfillment. As Christ came to serve, so does the
parent. God, who created us, is the
model for parents. Authority is always
given for the good of others. Human
authority finds its concrete model in Jesus.
The
Latin root for obedience is to hear, or hearken to. In Latin, and several Romance languages the
words “hear” and “obey” are the same.
Obedience occurs in the context of relationship. This is why the family structure is so
important. To obey is to act upon what
one has heard.
It is why Satan
fights so hard against the family. To
see his onslaught, all we have to do is look at the high number of single
family homes, the number of absentee fathers, etc. It results in disrespect, rootlessness,
increased crime, and the lack of a nurturing environment. The fact that many extended families aren’t
close to each other geographically or emotionally contributes to the
problem.
The world that I
grew up in has disappeared for the most part.
I grew up 1/8 of a mile from where my great great grandfather settled in
1852. Today many families are spread from
coast to coast. We have lost our
roots. This makes it difficult to
maintain our culture, religious values and ethics. Great thought must be taken concerning how to
maintain them. The fragmentation is
something that families need to consider and deal with in our world today.
The
quotes above indicate why the Bible places such a strong emphasis on the
family. We are the family of God, his
children. We owe him honor as our
Father. How society views parental
authority to a large extent determines how it views God’s authority. He has authority over us, just as parents
have authority over their children. God
gives us this commandment to help us flourish and reach fulfillment. He has given those of us who are parents the
privilege and responsibility to do the same for our children. We are not to lord it over them, but to
encourage and help them to flourish.
Rabbi
Telushkin says “A society in which children do not honor their parents will
rapidly loose the means through which the society’s culture, religion, and
ethics can be transmitted, and thus will soon disintegrate.”[1] We can also say “A society that destroys the
family destroys itself”[2]
You
wanted me to become a real person, Lord.
But I have violated the good order which you made. There was always the fear that I might lose
myself: be violated by my family, suffocate in the mire of former values, and
never be a self-reliant person. Now I am
like blowing sand in the desert, without root and footing. Easy prey to
fashion, advertizing, propaganda; and I live among for whom it is just the
same. The disorder gets increasingly
awful. We deserve it, Lord, that you
should let us perish in our rootlessness and that we should lose you for all
eternity. We cannot help ourselves,
Lord, but be merciful and let us live together in love again[3]
Food for thought
1.
In
light of this commandment how would you describe your family dynamics?
2.
In
what ways can I help my family members flourish?
3.
How do
I view the role of parental authority in the family?
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